Deja Vu — The loop of finding and losing love
Why a person always seeks a rich, intelligent, physically strong and good looking partner instead of a poor, dumb, weak and ugly one? For many years, people thought that it was psychological, but, in reality, it is more linked to the biology of a person. Evolution has taught men that a better partner means a better offspring, and they unconsciously like the person that fits in that category.
Unfortunately, the perfect person doesn’t exist, and the non-existence of a flawless person makes the deja vu immortal (It repeats again and again forever). Every time one thinks that he found his soul mate, later he finds a flaw in them and chooses to leave them out of disappointment because they are not aware that repairing a man is more effective than replacing him.
When a person is financially, facially, mentally or physically compromised, he goes for any person who shows a slight interest in him because his mind knows that he can not fit in this deja vu and love race. On the contrary, when he starts getting better, his mind starts calculating his probability in this deja vu, and he decides to take the risk and jump into the race. He is unaware that everyone in this race has the same mental patterns. As a result, they all keep replacing one person with another, leaving many in massive emotional and mental pain. Similarly, this Deja vu continues all their life until they are too old or too alone for any new experience. It might also explain the cause of skyrocketing divorce rate and people dying alone in the most competent and elite societies.
The reader must be confused about the mental and emotional sufferings and their link with the deja vu cycle of finding and losing love. However, many would agree that most relationship ends with lame excuses, ignorance and silence. One tends to leave without any explanation about what went wrong. Psychologically, silence is torture in an emotional and romantic relationship when his partner needs him to communicate the problem. For instance, Imagine a person suddenly stops talking with his partner with whom he spent many years of continued conversation and interaction. He meant the world to his partner, and there surely will be consequences of such a terrible experience. However, the silence over an explanation indeed helps that person from accepting any guilt. However, it does leave the partner in a constant state of thinking, overthinking and wondering about the state of the relationship, leaving massive damage to his phycological, emotional and mental well being because the partner remains aloof from what is happening in the relationship.
Trying to replace the partner also affects the person, who is inflicting the damage on the partner because there are higher chances that there is no existence of a perfect person. However, even if there is a possibility of his existence, the probability of his availability is doubtful. The expectation of finding such a person as single or looking for a relationship is less because such a person would be ideal for any partner and will never be left alone that someone else can have him. Moreover, the majority of single people looking for a relationship are less likely to be sincere, and due to this reason, no matter how charming they seem to be, they can hardly be the right partner. As one gets older, the probability of finding the right partner goes down. In other words, the possibility of finding the right partner is inversely proportional to the sum of the ages of both partners. On encountering that type of the wrong partner, the person realizes that he lost the diamond while collecting the coal, which serves as befitted karma.
For the above reasons, a person should fix his existing relationship instead of opting for a new partner because human beings are different from home appliances. Humans are rational and intelligent beings, and they learn through mistakes because the mistakes trigger the evolution of individuals. Indeed, such evolvement will not make him perfect, but with each cycle of evolvement, he will become a better version of himself. Moreover, one can not ignore the positive effects of an inclusive relationship on the emotional and mental health of both individuals involved in a relationship. On other hand, breaking up is always counter-productive for emotional and mental well-being. It will be not wrong to agree that “It is better to find a man and make him right than to search for the right man” because the right man is not grown at the tree but evolved through love, understanding and affection as nutrients.
Repairing a relationship needs hope, trust, support and affection. Without these, it will do more harm than any good. At First, the person will try to be the best version of himself. However, ignoring and repealing him will only provoke him. It will result in anger and uncomfortable feeling in him. It may result in the creation of self-hatred, which he may start projecting on his partner. His partner will consider this behaviour as a red flag. As a result, this relationship will cease to exist.
However, there are times when it is better to be in deja vu than to try repairing a sinking ship. When the partner is continuously lying and narcissistic, no one can help him. If one will allow him more chances, he will make sure that he drowns that one with himself into the pit of emotional and mental sickness.
In a pursuit to find the perfect being, many humans get trapped in this deja vu. Escaping this cycle requires an understanding of the principles. The principles on which the mind and evolution work. At this point, it is essential to understand the crises of the partner, which are most of the time influenced by external factors and are beyond the control of both individuals. These external factors turn the world of his partner into a living hell. It does reflect in the conversational tone of the partner. Through misinterpretation, it can cause severe damage to his relationship. The person is supposed to understand the uncomfortable situation of the partner instead of making it worst. He is supposed to make his partner’s world more comfortable through support and affection. The understanding can result in a miracle in the life of two individuals as a couple.
Only at the brink of death humans do tend to realize the truth, but it is too late, and one can not undo it. The dashing individuals are no longer fit for the race, where once they were competent players. It results in regrets and flashbacks because it is easy to forget the loved one but impossible to ignore the one from whom one received love. It is a fact that everyone wants to be loved, and no one wants to invest in love, but both things move hand to hand. It will be impossible to invest at the brink of death. Therefore, it is advisable for one going through these symptoms to invest in what he loves and make it work, giving one last chance to the collective love and future.
Note: Please note that “HE” and “MAN” is not gender-specific and is the same for all and every gender. It is used in a generalization sense to facilitate the reader.
